Falling Down the Upward Staircase

Falling down the upward staircase.
One step at a time, each moment of my life.
The harder I try, the faster it all slips away.Why do I try?
Why do I continue to fight?

Marvelously bright light at the top and vast darkness at the bottom.
And here I am, stuck in the middle.
Constantly fighting and falling.
Struggling to survive.

Damn you staircase!
If only you would stop moving, perhaps I might be able to catch my step!

How do you find balance in a world that won’t stop moving?
How do I make this downward spiral stop?

Maybe I should just let go.
Give into the darkness and all that it hides.
Let it consume me and end my pain.
Accept that resistance is futile and my future is lost.

But alas, I cannot give up.
I am bound by this staircase, this never ending nightmare.
This vicious cycle that is my life.
To proud to give up, yet too weak to break free.

And so I remain.
Trapped for eternity.
Falling down the upward staircase.

Damn it

Damn it
That’s what I say
Every time I look at my life
Every time I see my face
Damn it
Stuck is this self-imposed rut
Unwilling to move forward
Unwilling to make a change
Damn it
Dying to be free yet scared to let go
Suffering for no reason
Suffering from the truth
Damn it
Why must I make my life this way
Trapped within myself
Trapped in this never ending nightmare
Damn it
And all I can say is damn it
Damn who I am
Damn what I have become
Damn it
Damn it all
Damn it forever
Damn the monster I have created
And still all I can say is damn it
Damn everything
Damn…..me.

The Beast

I scream in the air, curse at the sky.
Angry filled fury, ready to die.

I fight and I kick, not holding back.
Down on my knees, ready to attack.

I strike at the ground, pound on my chest.
Fight to the death, I give it my best.

Violence unleashed, rage in my heart.
Control the beast, must play it smart.

Flesh is gashed, blood is spilled.
Instincts take over, do not get killed.

I ravage my enemy, take his last breath.
Life is my reward, his is death.

The crowd clears away, I return to my den.
Rest and recover, before it begins again.

Lines In the Sand

Shattered lives of an unlived fantasy.
I hear the breeze, but cannot feel the warmth.
Flowers bloom, but do not smile.
Lost at sea, I drift awhile.

Life goes by, yet I remain the same.
The beast within, I cannot tame.

A hidden world you cannot see.
One moment in time.
A lifetime to me.

I smell your hair, yet you’re not there.
Sweetness left empty.
I live in despair.

Memories and dreams.
What is real?
A life of fantasy not revealed.

Still I go on.
A broken man.
Peaceful journey?
Or just lines in the sand.

Despair

Lost in a sea of despair I drift.

No end in sight and nothing to hope for.

Sadness darkens my heart.

Numb to life and all that it holds.

Ready to sink, ready to give up.

The water is cold, and so is my heart.

Please take me now as I don’t want to be here.

The end is in sight, but not the one I want.

No turning back now, I made my choice.

Goodbye.

Lonely

Thinking of you.

Time passes by.

Lost in loneliness.

Waiting for tomorrow.

Pictures of you fill my thoughts.

I ache to be near you again.

When will you return?

I need you near.

The smell of your hair.

The touch of your skin.

Your smile.

And here I remain.

Dreaming of you.

Black Heart

Why won’t you say it?
Why do you not care?

Use me and abuse me.
Treat me unfair.

You take what you want.
But give nothing back.

Why would you want to?
No motivation for that.

Well it’s my time to take.
What’s rightfully mine.

I should have done this long ago.
But did not have the spine.

My heart is no longer yours.
I am taking it back.

I hope that I can find love again.
Before my heart turns permanently black.

My Own Private Hell

I dreamt of you last night, were you there?
You made me cry last night, do you care?

The pain you gave me, destroyed my day.
If I knew you cared, I would ask you to stay.

You lied to me, hid behind my back.
But when I found out, my life went off track.

How could you keep that from me, hide him right in front of my face.
You should not have done that to me, that’s not your place.

But it was my dream you say, it’s not for real.
It never happened, it’s no big deal.

Yet you kill me inside, dying to be free.
If given the chance, you would hurt me.

But I stay anyway, locked in this jail.
This place I created, my own private hell.

Lost Forever

Stress, anger, rage inside,
Help me fight the feelings I hide.

Sadness, depression, misery,
These are the things that consume me.

Loneliness, emptiness, sorrow, despair,
Should I go on I do not care.

Madness, confusion, spite, hate,
My life alone I contemplate.

Death, darkness, cold, gone,
Lost forever is my song.

Contemplation

Life falls apart, like leaves from a tree.

Time runs away, yet I stand still.

I look in the mirror, but do not recognize my own face.

Who is the man in the mirror?

What have I become?

I am but a boy trapped in an aging man’s body.

I hope for change, but know it will not come.

Fate is what you make it, so I’ve been told.

I know my fate, but hide it from others.

A warm smile, a soft laugh.

Both help me hide my fate behind a mask.

Will anyone stop to look behind the mask, or will fate run its course?

Depressed Brain

Depressed brain of an idle mind.

I weep in sadness with a confused heart.

I hope for joy, but expect none.

Emptiness haunts my spirit and soul.

Devastation is the world I’ve created.

The pain I carry is mine to bear.

Each day that passes, I die inside.

When tomorrow comes, I hope to be gone.

Why do you?

Why do you hurt me?
Why do I cry?

You don’t deserve me.
Why must you lie?

Gone with the wind.
My spirit and soul.

Dying to be free.
Can’t let you go.

Why can’t you love me?
Why do I still care?

Can’t bear the pain.
Why is life so unfair?

I give up

I am tired of trying,
I cannot go on.
I doubt that anyone will care when I am gone.

I am ready to sleep,
Forever and a day.
Death within inches, why do I stay?

Now that I give up,
I do not care.
It is time to end all this painful despair.

As I say goodbye,
Remember this.
I gave you everything, all you gave me was this.

I give you...

I give you my shirt and shorts, all the clothes off my back.

I give you my word and my bond, all that I am.

I give you my heart and soul, all that is attached.

I give you my love and compassion, all I have inside.

I give you my strength and my courage, all that keeps me alive.


I give you me.

Shadows

Sadness cloaks my heart in darkness.
I struggle to break free, but can’t find my way.
Like a ghost in the shadows, I hide my feelings.
I look for forgiveness, but ask for acceptance.
The road ahead is lonely and the path unknown.
Why go on, I do not know.

Sleep

No time to sleep
No time to breath
Rush through life
Search for everything
Find nothing
Tomorrow is today
Today is already gone
Left behind
Random thoughts
Tired eyes
Old souls
Special people
Disconnected
Extreme pain
Darkness comes
Life fades
Goodnight…

…Goodbye

Love Lost

Burning desire I cannot hide.
I look into your eyes, why do you not care?
Love lost for unspoken reasons.
I cry inside, but hide the pain.
You smile at me, but my heart knows you do not care.
I hang on to nothing in hopes of anything.
Living a life I cannot bear.
One day closer to ending it all.
Please let me go so I can heal.
Days, weeks, months go by.
I am hollow inside.
I beg for strength, but find none.
One last smile before I go.
My heart is now broken, and so am I.
Goodbye.

Survive

Lost in the moment
Living for today with no sight of tomorrow
A smile on my face hides the pain inside
Short burst of happiness
Hanging onto anything instead of having nothing
Scared, afraid, lonely
Weeks, months, years go bye
Long-term happiness nowhere in sight
I push to go on…

I push to survive

Lost

Set a drift, lost in thought
Remembering the past, things were simple then
Lost inside myself, no way out
Darkness all around, no light in sight
Stumbling to find a way, to get back on track
The journey ahead, is this the beginning or the end?
No strength to continue, ready to give up
Must continue, must push myself cause that’s what I do
Will I make it in the end, only time will tell?

Until then, I guess I am just lost!

Kiss of life/death

Soft
Warm
Arousing
Firm
Passionate
Long
Sweet
Fading
Cool

OVER