Falling Down the Upward Staircase

Falling down the upward staircase.
One step at a time, each moment of my life.
The harder I try, the faster it all slips away.Why do I try?
Why do I continue to fight?

Marvelously bright light at the top and vast darkness at the bottom.
And here I am, stuck in the middle.
Constantly fighting and falling.
Struggling to survive.

Damn you staircase!
If only you would stop moving, perhaps I might be able to catch my step!

How do you find balance in a world that won’t stop moving?
How do I make this downward spiral stop?

Maybe I should just let go.
Give into the darkness and all that it hides.
Let it consume me and end my pain.
Accept that resistance is futile and my future is lost.

But alas, I cannot give up.
I am bound by this staircase, this never ending nightmare.
This vicious cycle that is my life.
To proud to give up, yet too weak to break free.

And so I remain.
Trapped for eternity.
Falling down the upward staircase.

Damn it

Damn it
That’s what I say
Every time I look at my life
Every time I see my face
Damn it
Stuck is this self-imposed rut
Unwilling to move forward
Unwilling to make a change
Damn it
Dying to be free yet scared to let go
Suffering for no reason
Suffering from the truth
Damn it
Why must I make my life this way
Trapped within myself
Trapped in this never ending nightmare
Damn it
And all I can say is damn it
Damn who I am
Damn what I have become
Damn it
Damn it all
Damn it forever
Damn the monster I have created
And still all I can say is damn it
Damn everything
Damn…..me.

The Beast

I scream in the air, curse at the sky.
Angry filled fury, ready to die.

I fight and I kick, not holding back.
Down on my knees, ready to attack.

I strike at the ground, pound on my chest.
Fight to the death, I give it my best.

Violence unleashed, rage in my heart.
Control the beast, must play it smart.

Flesh is gashed, blood is spilled.
Instincts take over, do not get killed.

I ravage my enemy, take his last breath.
Life is my reward, his is death.

The crowd clears away, I return to my den.
Rest and recover, before it begins again.

Alone I Struggle

The day starts as light begins.
I look around, but find no one there.
Alone in a world that I have created.
Protected from reality and judgment.
This is my life, this is my sadness.

No one takes notice because no one cares.
Who am I and why am I here?
A question asked without a clear answer.
My life is a mess and I have no reason to live.

I cannot go on lost in this world.
Everyday utterly alone.
Drifting down the black river of despair.
My fate is cursed and destiny destroyed.

This is not the life I wanted.
Perhaps in acceptance I might find comfort.
Some form of peace, a chance to rest my soul.
Surrender my spirit to death.
To end my inner struggle for happiness once and for all.

The Canvas

An empty stare of sadness fills my heart.

I look through my eyes as though I have already passed.

Black and gray shadows cast upon a once vibrant canvas.

How did this happen?

What waste of life have I become?

A tortured soul left to rot in this shell of a man.

The world continues forward, yet I remain still.

Stuck in this darkness, this lost realm of despair.

Falling faster and faster into the unknown.

Oh how I miss the color.

That burning passion to thrive and experience all that is real.

Forever pleading with myself not to give up.

Searching for that one speck of light.

A single drop of hope.

But alas there is none.

I am but a dried-up paint set without a story.

A canvas that has been whitewashed and discarded.

Forever in black and gray shadows I shall remain.

Butterfly

I am consumed by the essence that is you.

My breath is taken and my heart is still.

Why do you not see your beauty?

You weep in sorrow, yet do not see that I share your pain.

Too consumed by tragedy to see a new possibility.

Open your eyes sweet butterfly.

Know that in sadness you are never alone.

Fight to find your inner light and all that is you.

Glow like the sun so that I might be embraced by your warmth.

Together now and for eternity.

Two incomplete souls united as one.

An endless romance that rivals the stars.

Shine bright my star.

May your breath be taken and your heart mended so that I might possess your love.

One last time

Why did I give up?
Why was I scared?
We could have had something together.
But I ran and hid as if nobody cared.

I gave up on you.
And now you are gone.
A memory and a song that plays on and on.

I hope you found happiness.
As I deserve none.
A lifetime of punishment for what I have done.

But yet I remain.
With thoughts of you still on my mind.
Shallow and empty.
Wishing to see you one last time.